Fears

so. I am really scared right now.
I checked my lovely heart, and it is resting at a manic 150 bpm, theoretically speaking.
I can’t get out of my head being in the office, in that room, with the door closed, window closed, blinds down, being alone, face-to-face with everything I fear.
I am so easily manipulated. So easily.
and I have to fess up, get this all of my chest, everything for the past year and a half that have been eating me alive. Sucking my joy away, draining me. I have learned so much. How to stop doing things in my own strength, to lean on HIM.
I am a sheep. I am scared. I am timid. I am ignorant.
But I have a shepherd, and things are going to be okay, he is going to take care of me…like he never ceases to do.
And I am scared, but I will be just fine.
After I force myself up the last rugged bit of mountain, I will be at the top, able to see my success; wind on my face, sun to my back. I will be able to breathe, exhale, calm, have comfort. I will be healthy. I will be new.
Renewed.